


5ecrets of the Bunker

by Coconutice22



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, it's a bunker fic, spn bunker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 09:29:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13384956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coconutice22/pseuds/Coconutice22
Summary: Sam and Dean's set about fulfilling their New Year's resolution: draw a map of the bunker.





	5ecrets of the Bunker

**Author's Note:**

> Written with much help and support from [shixpe](http://shixpe.tumblr.com/) Thank youuuu <333

Their New Year’s resolution had seemed simple enough in its conception: map the bunker. That was it. Figure out the rooms, their positions, do a full inventory, and digitally catalog the contents of the building. It was, after all, where they slept in most nights now. It made sense they should know it like the back of their feet.

“See, the en-suite bathroom to bedroom four was definitely there last week.”

“If we have en-suites, why do we not use them?”

“I do, except for when I don’t,” Dean shrugged.

“It definitely isn’t an en suite, Dean,” Sam laughed. “The sauna though, I can’t see that on your version of the map.”

The brothers had decided to separately map the building, and then come together to compare and come up with a definitive version. That way neither could miss out on something.

Dean shot Sam a frown. “What sauna?”

“It is next to the swimming pool that sometimes exists.”

“I have never seen a swimming pool here. Where you hiding it, Sammy?”

“We used it like... three weeks ago!”

Dean grunted and stood up. “Lunchtime. That’s enough, we need a break.”

Sam rolled his eyes but followed his older brother to the kitchen, passing by the Room They Did Not Open (due to the growling sounds that could be heard if you pressed your ear to the door) and the Tudor-style fireplace, from which they'd hung stockings a month earlier.

Dean prepped lunch for them while Sam flicked through his phone to see if there’d been any recent weird news reports that might be a potential case. Anything would be welcomed at this point, just to get them out of having to finish the bunker mapping process. 

“Got somthin’?” Dean prompted when Sam let out a  _huh_.

“Nah. Well yeah, but,” Sam tapped a few things on his screen. “Here,” he said, offering his phone to Dean.

A video started playing of a giant gator walking across a golf course.

“Where the fuck is that?”

“Florida. Not a case but...”

“But you saw it and had to share the nightmare?” Dean shuddered. “We’re never going to Florida again, not even if the next hellmouth opens up there.”

“Agreed.”

Dean stopped in his tracks and squinted at the kitchen counter. “Where’s the microwave gone?”

“What microwave?”

Castiel interrupted them when he appeared through a door both Sam and Dean had marked down on their maps as a closet.

“What the hell were you doin’ in there?”

Castiel frowned. “Bowling, as I do every Tuesday morning.”

“Why would a bowling alley be attached to the kitchen?"

"Kitchen? I entered from the bar. It goes bowling alley, bar, kitchen."

"We have a bar?" Dean perked up.

“We don’t have a bar,” Sam countered.

"Do you have a bowling alley on your map?” Dean asked.

Sam got his map up on his tablet and Dean grabbed his own paper version from his pocket and smoothed it out on the large IKEA SKOGSTA dining table that had appeared 10 minutes ago as a part of their new product placement deal.

“No bowling alley… I have that area down as the putt-putt golf course, but you enter from the astronomy tower down a fireman’s pole, not from the kitchen closet.”

“The fuck?” Dean gesticulated wildly. “That’s where the machine room for the garage car elevator is, only way in or out from that place to the surface for a car.”

“But we use a tunnel to drive out.”

Dean and Sam scowled at each other before they started shouting. Each brother insisting loudly that their version was correct.

“I guess this is the wrong time to mention the barn that appeared outside?” Castiel asked from the hammock he was resting in all of a sudden. “It had a lot of interesting tools that might come in handy for future episodes of our lives.”

“What?!” Dean grabbed his own hair in distress, eyes bugging. “Screw this!”

Dean drew from his back pocket his favorite Zippo lighter, which he’d thrown into several fires over the years and yet still somehow always ended back on his person for when he needed it. Flipping it open, Dean set his map on fire. “The bunker doesn’t want to be mapped. I think we just need to accept it.”

“It’s impossible for all of this to be true,” Sam agreed. “Physically the footprint of this building cannot fit in everything we’ve listed.” Sam took Dean’s cue and deleted the files off his tablet. “Let’s just agree not to try this ever again. Screw New Year’s resolutions.”

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the always beautiful SPNColdestHits. The challenge this month was [TERRIBLE NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS](http://spncoldesthits.tumblr.com/post/169572541875/terrible-new-years-resolutions-spncoldesthits). Rules and full prompt at the link. 
> 
> Feel free to come say hi on Tumblr! I'm [perfackles](http://www.perfackles.tumblr.com/) for anything Supernatural related. 
> 
> Or my general anything goes account [coconutice22](http://www.coconutice22.tumblr.com/).


End file.
